My last few weeks of high school have been very contemplative. It's not exactly the sorrowful occasion I expected it to be, but it's certainly not the sigh of relief I wanted it to be either. I guess I've come to the realization that the worst parts of high school probably extend beyond the metal fence of my campus and into the "real" world.
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| Photos by Brielle Villanueva |
The things I'm looking forward to are also the things that I'm dreading. On the one hand, I'm happy to be leaving tumultuous teenage life behind in favor of hopefully more stable, adult mindset, but I also think the dramatics and the ability to feel things so strongly was definitely a driving force for me creatively, and I'm worried that once I leave that head space my writing, creations, etc. will become diluted and bland.
But I think the conclusion I'm starting to reach -- I say starting because my thoughts remain perpetually out of my grasp, and in a sort of fog -- is that the way you live your life is a conscious decision. As you age, you can't be passive and expect things to happen without taking any action. I feel like that's really what coming-of-age is ultimately, taking your fate into your own hands. I think I used to be terrified of having control over my life, but now I find that responsibility to be exhilarating. I can't imagine living my life beholden to anyone but me.
I also made a playlist that describes my general *~*schmood*~*
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